areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
