im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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