Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
