Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
