There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
