Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
