this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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