Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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