I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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