my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
