dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
