I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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