I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
This toilet bowl is my home.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
