i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
