so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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