sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize