i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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