you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize