is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
