I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
