Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
