how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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