my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
