the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
