just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
