How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
