tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
