i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
