you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
