i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
