she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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