I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
