Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
