How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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