Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
