I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
