I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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