somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
