VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
