I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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