I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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