i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
