I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
