it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
