don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
