I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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