Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude i'm inner monologue high
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
