My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Quick, to the slutcave!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
