Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
