she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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