I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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