dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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