I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I need moral support for this bender
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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