he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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