did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
