I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
