Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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