It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize