somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need to calm my uterus...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
