So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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