Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
