I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
