Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
