Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize