I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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