It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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