omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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